pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
