This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
