remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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