I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize