I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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