Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
