You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
