i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up under a house in Key West
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
