i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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