Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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