i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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