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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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