I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
