nut hugger
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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