Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
