He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
