i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize