Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
