so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
