well you can't waste a boner
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
