moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize