Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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