You made me cry and you don't even care
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
