I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
