so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize