He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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