He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will pee on everything he values.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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