I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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