Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize