the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
