Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
