Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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