They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
