he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
