wakey wakey hands off snakey
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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