I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
