WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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