so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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