i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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