easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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