I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
