im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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