I need help removing her.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
