At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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