Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
