Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
