The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
