I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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