I hate your face
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
