It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
