why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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