Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
