That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
