I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
