when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
