wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I am morally bankrupt
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
