how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
