THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
