I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
