It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
