there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
