I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
