oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize