Who did Billy Mays play for?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
