Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize