Pappa wants mamma naked
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize