at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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