I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
