So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ladies don't puke and tell
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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