I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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