My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
