So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
