I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
